Advent Week 4 - The Promise: Grace

Grace is one of my favorite topics to talk about.

Mainly because, without it, I am nothing.

Without God’s grace I would have fallen apart long ago.

As I was preparing to write this, the hymn”Grace Greater Than Our Sin” kept running through my head.

Here’s the chorus:

Grace, grace, God’s grace, Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

Grace, grace, God’s grace, Grace that is greater than all our sin.

This is such a beautiful thing.

No matter what you’ve done in your life.

No matter where you’ve been, what you’ve seen, who you are, where you come from.

None of it matters anymore.

It can all be pardoned and cleansed by God’s infinite grace.

To top it off, it’s free!

I feel like shouting that last line.

This grace that can and will change your life, is free.

If that were not enough, there is absolutely nothing you could ever do to earn this love and grace.

The good news of God’s grace is that He longs to shower us with it.

As I was writing this, it occurred to me, that this never ending grace could and has been used to justify not changing your ways.

But I don’t think that the truth.

If you have truly excepted God’s grace in your life, you will find yourself changing over time. It probably won’t be overnight. We all wish it would be.

But you will notice over time that you are a completely different person if you truly allow God’s love and grace into your life.

So, take time to allow God’s grace to pour into your heart.

Than allow that grace to overflow onto those around you, that they might also see God’s grace in your life.

The Man Behind The Monster

So, this may not seem like the normal topics that I talk about at first. But I think it will get there in the end.

As I’m sure all of you know, this Friday some little movie opened up called Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Now, I haven’t seen it yet, so don’t worry about any spoilers for Episode VII.

I was sitting at home Thursday night in the middle of the night while the whole nation, it seemed was out watching this movie, because my beautiful daughter has decided to switch her sleep schedule again.

While I was sitting there watching something, I realized that I owned all six of the other movies, I haven’t watched them in a very long time.

So, I set about the mission of watching all six of them in the course of the next 24 hours. Starting with Episode I and going through Episode VI.

I’ve never done this before.

Now on the other side of this marathon I can tell you I really think this is the best way to watch these movies.

A lot of you might argue that this is not the way to watch them. That you should only watch the original ones and forget about the newer, “inferior” ones.

I’ve probably always been in the minority on this, but I actually do like the newer ones. They’re not as great as the others, but they are still great movies that tell an amazing story.

I didn’t start this post to write out all of the reasons that I think they actually do work, so I won’t go into that here. Maybe another time.

While I was watching them though, I saw such an amazing parallel between Anakin’s story and Luke’s story.

They were both emotional and somewhat bratty teens, who through a series of unfortunate events have been handed some of the worst luck imaginable.

Through their journey the each are faced with the same choice.

Give in to their anger and emotions and join the Dark Side.

Or keep there emotions in check and choose to be a Jedi.

I believe this is a decision that almost all of us have faced at some time in our lives. I know for sure I have, and that I haven’t always chosen the right side.

The only real difference between father and son is that Luke chooses to believe and to not give in to the Dark Side.

Life is full of these choices, and we must be ready to choose the right side.

I thought that was going to be the overall theme for me coming out of watching all of these movies.

But than at the end of Episode VI, Vader asks Luke to take off his mask so he can, for once in his life look on his own son with his own eyes.

As the mask comes off, I realized that behind this “evil” man, was just a man.

When it came down to it, Vader choose to kill his mentor, not just because Luke was his son. But also, because Luke choose to see the human being behind the mask and believe that there was still some good in him.

It made me wonder, if we stopped looking at the mask of our enemies (the thing that we don’t agree with them about), and looked at the person behind it, would there still be such a thing as an enemy?

May the Force be with you.

Advent Week 3 - The Promise: Joy

This weeks sermon brought something to mind for me that I might have talked about before, but it’s been awhile, and it fits the point so I think I’ll use it again.

It also may not seem like I’m talking about joy for a little while, but I promise I’ll get there.

While I was in college I was in a pretty dark place.

My struggle with depression was at its worst and I was kind of floundering around with no real purpose in my life.

Looking back I can see clearly that God brought little pieces of light into my life even when I didn’t want to see them.

But during the summer after my freshman year, I was home and really feeling lost.

During this time, God spoke to me and showed me that I had let certain kinds of music way to deep into my heart and was allowing them to determine who I was, more than I was allowing God to shape me.

So, in one long marathon night of confession and repentance I went through all of my CDs and broke every one that God told me to.

During this whole thing, I remember several times feeling like I was throwing up, but nothing was coming up.

I realize this might sound strange, but it felt like demons were coming out of me as I was confessing the hold that things had on me.

It was after this that I truly felt the love of God take a true hold in my heart for probably the first time.

I finally felt the joy that God meant for me to feel.

In the 15 years since this happened I know that God has brought so much more joy than I could have ever thought possible.

There have also been dark times.

But I’ve come to believe that you can only know true joy by knowing true pain.

In the years since then, I’ve listened to some of that same music again.

For a while I was really hesitant to do it.

I tried to stay as far away from it as possible.

But I realized that it wasn’t so much the music that was bad, but more the position I let it have in my heart.

I had put this music as an idol in place of God and it only brought me pain and sadness.

Know I lift God up in my heart and listen to music for some enjoyment, and I know the true joy that God has for all of His creation.

Advent Week 2 - The Promise: Purity

As I was thinking about this weeks topic of purity, I was reminded that I haven’t always understood why God only wanted the pure animals for His sacrifices.

It seemed a little discriminating.

He didn’t want the blind, the deaf, the lame, or the broken.

For some reason this really bothered me.

How could a God that claims to love all of us just as we are only accept the perfect sacrifices?

But during the sermon yesterday, I realized, it’s not so much that God doesn’t want the imperfect, but more that He wants the best that we have.

If we only give Him what we have left, it will be a pitiful sacrifice.

He’s asked us to give Him the first fruits, the best of the best.

It’s more about our hearts than the actual sacrifice.

God also calls us to become more like Him and I believe that He does this by putting through the fire of this world.

As we follow Him and walk through the flames around us, God uses this to burn the impurities out of our lives.

I believe that God accepts us just as we are, with all our impurities and flaws.

But as we follow Him and go through the trials of this world, He perfects us in His image.

Pastor Jason talked yesterday about how metal workers would put the metal through the fire to burn away the impurities, so that when they looked at the metal they could see themselves.

I also believe that, as with any good art, when others look at it they will see a reflection of the artist.

I believe this is why God allows us to be try and tested.

So that after we make it through the fire, those around us will see a reflection of Him when they look at us.

Advent Week 1 – The Promise: Justice

Waiting with despair vs. waiting with hope

As Christians we are called to wait. We are called to look forward to a time when Christ will come again and bring His justice to this world.

We look around and see so much injustice that at times all we are left with is despair.

I’m not a very patient person.

Waiting is painful for me.

I used to say that patience is hereditary and my dad didn’t have any to spare.

Add that to the fact that I am easily led to despair and you have a recipe for disaster.

I don’t watch the news anymore because it’s just too depressing for me and leaves me completely without hope.

But as Christians we are called to wait with hope.

We are to have hope that Christ will come again and make everything right in the world.

We are to have hope that God is working in all things.

But also we are called to be hope to the people of this world.

There are so many lost people with no hope and no justice.

We are called to be a light into the darkest parts of this world.

When there are people being exiled, we are called to bring hope to them and help in any way we can.

When people are being hurt, we are called to heal.

When we are the ones being hurt, we are called to forgive.

The beauty of Advent, is that we are called to wait and look back to His coming as a child, look among us for His hand at work, and to look forward to His coming again.

I think it’s appropriate that we start the Christian year off with waiting for His coming, not celebrating the actual event.

If we started the year with His birth we would easily forget that we are called to wait for the Lord’s timing in our lives.

As you go through your week, take the time to think of those waiting in our world without the hope of a coming savior and look for ways to bring hope and justice into their lives.

Truly being thankful

So, tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

It’s an interesting holiday here.

It’s become more and more a day we spend pretending to be thankful for what we have. All the while we’re preparing to go spend as much money on things we probably don’t really need.

As Black Friday has grown, it’s even taken over Thanksgiving day.

It seems that it is the real holiday now.

What is meant to be a day of reflecting on the things we have and spending time relaxing with family, has now become a day to spend at the store pushing people out of the way to get an insane price on something we don’t need and didn’t know we wanted until now.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with getting things on sale, or even going to the store tomorrow.

But maybe before you do, take the time to be grateful for all the things you have in your life.

As for me, I’m thankful that I have a family that loves me.

A God that has saved me.

A body that is still working, most days anyway.

Friends that support me.

A church that teaches me how to worship God better.

A country that allows me to believe as I see fit.

As you go out this holiday season, maybe you can also remember that the people helping you in the stores are people too.

And that, most of the time, they are giving up their time with their family to help you in the store.

So, maybe be a little nicer to those around you this holiday weekend.

Spread some joy as you pick up those savings.

Prepare for the Coming King

This next Sunday is the start of Advent, and I have to say that I know very little about what this season actually means.

So, I looked it up.

Advent means the arrival of a notable person, thing, or event.

It is to be a time of the year where we, as Christians, look towards the birth of our Savior and prepare for His return.

We are called to slow down and wait purposefully.

To long for the coming of our King.

To prepare our hearts for Him.

So much, in our culture, is based on the idea of getting everything you want right when you realize you want it.

We don’t want to wait.

We want to get.

Advent is to be a time where we stop and wait for the coming birth of Jesus.

I find it interesting that the church year starts with Advent.

I think most people would think that it would start with Christmas or Easter. One of the major holidays.

But I think the early church fathers did this very purposefully.

We don’t start our year with a big celebration.

We start with waiting and preparing ourselves for His coming.

We are called to worship Him.

So often today, and especially this time of year, we run around and never stop.

We all look toward Christmas and sometimes, at least for me, can’t wait for the season to be over, because it can be so chaotic and busy.

Culture tells us to get everything we can both for those around us and for ourselves.

But God has called us to slow down and look to His coming.

The past few years the church I go to, Eden Community, has been involved in a movement called the Advent Conspiracy.

It is a movement that calls us to look at this time of year differently

It calls us to Worship Fully, Spend Less, Give More, and Love All.

It looks different for each individual and family.

But no matter what it is calling us to be mindful of our actions and activity during this time of the year.

Maybe spend less on buying gifts for those around you and spend time making them something, or spend time with them.

Maybe give your time or money to a charity that you feel passionate about.

No matter what it is you do, I pray that you would allow for the time to let God change your heart this season.

To change the way you view the month leading to Christmas.

To slow down and spend time with God and with family and loved ones.

To let those around you know how much you care and love them.

Spend time in God’s Word and let Him change your heart, mind, and spirit.

Starting anew

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I should be doing with my life.

I feel like I’ve been adrift for a while now with no real purpose to anything that I did.

I’ve looked at myself and seen someone who I don’t understand or really recognize.

I’m tired of the way things just seem to be passing me by.

I feel like I’m not really doing anything worthwhile with my life.

Like I’m just wondering aimlessly.

The problem is that I can see all of this and yet can’t really seem to find anyway out of it.

I’m tired of feeling lost.

I’m tired of feeling like the before picture.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to.

I’m tired.

Yet I can’t seem to find what I should do.

I keep having these plans and thoughts run through my head.

But I just don’t make them happen.

Then another plan has passed me by.

Add another shovelful of dirt on my coffin.

I cry out to God for a rope to pull me out.

Yet it feels like when one is thrown down, I refuse to grab a hold of it.

I’m my own worst enemy.

It’s probably not even someone else adding the dirt, but me burying myself.

I just want to reach out and grab the rope.

To claw my way out of this pit.

God give me the strength today to grab a hold of Your rope and try to find my way out of this darkness.

Serious question

I’ve been reading through Leviticus lately, and a thought occurred to me. More of a question actually.

How is it that we know which of the commands in the Bible to still follow when there are so many that we’ve thrown by the wayside?

We have chalked so many up to being written for a certain people and culture. Yet there are others, written in the same places, that we still take very seriously.

I’m not trying to say that we shouldn’t follow the commands of the Bible. Just honestly trying to figure out why we hold some as sacred and laugh off some other ones.

Witnessing

“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven.” Matthew 5:16

I believe that the best way for us to witness to those around us in our daily lives is by the way that we live. It’s not that we can’t witness with our words. I think that we can and should do that too.

But if our words are the only witness we give and our actions do not match our words, than we are doing much more harm than good.

I’m not always the best at this.

I try to let my actions be my witness to those around me. But I can’t really say that I do that very well.

Let alone, when it does come time to witness with words face to face with others, I’m completely at a loss for words. I can never figure out what to say.

Too many times I’ve fallen back on my quiet happy guy routine and haven’t spoken up when I could have.

It’s a struggle that I’ve always had.

Between being liked and people knowing what I truly believe, I almost always have chosen to be liked.

It’s not something I’m really proud of. But it is the truth.

I feel like I should ask God to give me the strength to speak up about Him, but then I run the risk of having my prayer answered with more and more opportunities so share with others.

I just pray that I can live my life in such a way, that those around me can see something different in me, and that if they ask what that difference is, I have the courage and words to speak truthfully about my faith.

God can use even a sinner like me

I was reading this morning and in both my scripture and my devotional, which are separate plans, the same theme came up.

So, I’m taking God’s advice and I’m gonna go ahead and write on this again. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about this before. But maybe I’ll have some new insight today.

I was reading in 1 Timothy 1, where Paul is talking about being the worst of sinners, and yet through God’s grace and mercy God is able to use Paul to His glory.

In my devotional Billy Graham talked about St. Augustine and John Newton, who were both not good men before they had an encounter with God and were forever changed.

It brought to my mind that it seems like God chooses to use the worst and lowest of sinners to do His greatest works.

It seems so contrary to the way most people would think to do things.

But I do believe that He does this very much on purpose and for a specific reason.

God chooses to do this, so that it can be shown as Him working through us and not just us doing things on our own power. He changes that hearts and minds of people who seem unlovable and unchangeable, so that we might be able to see God working and know that the things people do they are definitely not doing on their own, but through the grace and power of God.

I also believe that God uses those of us that don’t think we can do anything good. All we have to do is trust Him and step out into the things we feel He is calling us to.

I know there are many times when I don’t feel I am worth much of anything, and that I don’t think anybody should even bother to listen to me. What do I know that others don’t already know? What do I have to say that hasn’t already been said? Why would anyone really want to listen to me at all?

And yet God calls to me time and time again to share my thoughts. To share my voice. To step out into the water and trust that He will keep me safe.

I guess what I’m trying to say, is that God has a way of using those of us that couldn’t do any of this without Him. On my own I would have no wisdom to share with you. No songs to sing. No words to hear.

But with Him I can do all things.

This is amazing grace

Over my life, I’ve been struck by the grace that God has shown me.

By no means am I deserving of any of the things that God has given to me.

In fact, I would say that I have wasted and taken advantage of most of the gifts God has given to me in my life.

But yet the amazing thing about God is that no matter how many times I fall short, He is right there to pick me up and dust me off.

He has always been there.

Even in the times when I didn’t think He was. He was there.

Even in the times when I ran away from Him. He was there.

No matter how many times I’ve spit in His face and turned my back on Him.

He is still there.

Waiting patiently.

With a loving smile on His face.

And outstretched arms.

Just waiting for me to run back and except the ever abundant grace that He has stored up for me.

The real question is; Why do I, knowing this, still turn my back and run?

Open for interpretation

First off, sorry for the long hiatus. It’s been a long, crazy, hectic, and busy summer. But hopefully I can now get back into the habit of writing some more.

I wrote a whole post today and then deleted it because I realized that I wasn’t sure if the stories actually connected the way I had originally thought they did.

If they did, then I promise you I made some great points and it was a great post.

If they didn’t, which at the end of it I just wasn’t sure anymore, then I still may have made some good points but it really wouldn’t have been a good post in my opinion.

But, it brought to mind how easy it is to read the Bible and connect things in it in any way you want to. You can twist the words around anyway you want to prove any point you want.

This is true with anything. But I think is used more with interpreting the Bible than anything else.

We have our opinions and we search through the Bible to find things that back up our point and use them to prove everyone else wrong.

If you are pro-war, you focus on God calling and leading the Israelites into battle. But completely ignore the verse “Blessed are the peacemakers.”

I could do many more examples, but all that would do is get certain people mad at me and have them thinking that because I used it as an example it is the way I believe.

This problem is one of the reasons, I believe, God gave us the church.

If we all went on just how we were to read the Bible, there would be millions of different religions all believing different things.

But if we can come together and openly talk about the ways we interpret the Bible, and listen to the ways others do, then we can find it’s true meaning.

The Book Of Job

As I’ve struggled with my depression in my life, I’ve always kind of looked to Job as a favorite book in the Bible.

I’m not even really sure why, because I can’t remember if I’ve ever fully read the book of Job.

But I’ve always looked to him and all of the things that he went through as a source of inspiration.

Today I think I figured out why I haven’t been able to actually read the book and like it as much as I always thought I would.

I think I looked to him and thought I would read the book in the midst of my depression and find someone going through worse things and wallowing in his sorrows like I was.

But today I noticed something much different as I read chapter 1, and it may make him someone to look up to even more as I go through rough patches in life.

As all of the things in his life are being stripped away one after another, he rips his clothes and throws himself down in his sorrow.

But even as he does this, he lifts up God, and praises Him.

He doesn’t curse God for taking all of the things that God has given to him.

He praises God and says that all of the things in his life were gifts from God.

I know that throughout the book of Job, he does start to question God about why these things are happening to him.

But in those questions he never curses God.

He believes that God is good and that God is there with him in all of his troubles.

I find this amazing, because I find it hard not to get upset when things take a little longer than I wanted them to, let alone when things go wrong.

Lost in translation

So today I had a post partially written in my head while reading scripture.

Than I started to try and write it down.

It just didn’t make any sense when I was writing it out.

I tried reading the scripture again.

But I couldn’t get it back to where I had it in my head.

I think I’ve spent so much time thinking things through in my head and then forgetting them, that I still find it hard, at times to process these thoughts into words on a screen.

When it starts to become real

I was thinking more about my post yesterday and the reasons that I’ve been kind of inconsistent in my posts lately.

I came to a thought that stopped me.

It’s becoming real.

This thing that I thought was just something to do in my spare time, is becoming real.

Before it was easy to write and even easy to not write, because it was easy to say that it didn’t matter.

But lately this has changed for me.

It’s not that I’ve really that many readers, but the ones I do have seem to enjoy it, and I’m starting to take it more seriously.

It’s not just something to do now.

It’s something I care about. Sometimes I think maybe even a little too much.

I always told myself I wanted to be a writer. But when people would ask me about it, I was quick to say that I don’t really do it much anymore.

While it’s true that my previous means of writing, mainly music, had mostly stopped, I’ve been writing more than ever in a different way.

I enjoy expressing myself in this way here.

I don’t think it’s ever anything I thought I would do. But now that I am, it’s something I can see myself doing.

I enjoy expanding on the things God points out to me in His scripture.

I never thought that I would. The last thing I ever thought I would do was teach people about the Bible.

It’s been strange for me to except where this whole journey has brought me.

But I trust that God is in control and will continue to lead me as I continue to try to follow.

Laziness kills me…

So, I think I’ve come up against the thing that hurts me most in my life.

I’m lazy.

This may not seem like a big deal most of the time.

But when you’re a stay at home dad who is also trying to do something with a blog and hopefully some other projects, laziness is really destructive.

I’d like to blame my lack of consistency on here on something else.

Last week my daughter decided to sleep during the day and stay awake and keep me awake all night. So, I got out of my habit of writing in the mornings because I was exhausted.

But the truth is, I had plenty of time to write while I was up all night.

But that would mean I would have had to say no to the next episode on Netflix, and it’s much easier to hit next then turn it off and move to something else.

I’m trying very hard to get myself into habits and patterns that will help me break this laziness.

But it is proving to be a hard mistress to break.

Remember, even when it’s hard

I noticed something while reading the Crucifixion story today that I don’t think I’d seen before.

After Jesus was put in the tomb, the Pharisees go to Pilate and tell him about Jesus saying He would rise from the dead after three days.

Now, they claim not to believe it. They say that His followers might try to steal the body. But they remember what Jesus said about it.

The thing is, even His own disciples didn’t remember this. They were so caught up in their grief that they forgot what Jesus had said about His death.

Plus, I don’t think they ever took those sayings seriously. I think they didn’t fully understand what He was talking about, so they just ignored those things.

How easy it is to forget the things that God has promised us, and live like the disciples did in those days after Jesus’ death.

dad and DAD

So, I’ve been reading Francis Chan’s book, Crazy Love, these past few days and today I read about his relationship with his own earthly father and how that affected his relationship with his Heavenly Father.

His dad was abusive and he feared him.

So, when Francis became a Christian, he found it easy to fear God and was drawn to the passage about an angry and vengeful God. That was the way he knew to receive love.

But, as he grew in his faith, and especially when he became a father himself, he realized this was not the fullness of God’s love for him.

I’ve had a pretty good relationship with my dad.

But I still know that this has affected my relationship with God.

When I was a kid, if I had a problem, I would usually go to my mom.

This has kind of made it difficult to bring my problems to God. I usually just don’t want to bother Him with my little problems.

He’s God. Why would He care about my little problems?

Even the biggest problems in my life are nothing to Him, or compared to others problems.

Who am I to bring my them to Him and expect Him to even listen let alone care?

Chan talked about as he became a father and realized the extent of his love for his own children that he realized God’s love for him was even greater than that.

After all, if we fallen humans can love our children and care about each and every one of their needs, how much more so does our perfect Heavenly Father love us, His children?

Being a parent has also helped me to more fully understand the anger and wrath parts of God too.

When my kids aren’t listening or are purposely going against my wishes, it can be hard not to get angry with them.

It’s when you have to make the rules that you finally understand that rules are there to help you not just keep you from having fun.

I only pray that in me, my children can catch a tiny glimpse of the love that their Heavenly Father has for them.

“Biblical Marriage”

Not everyone will like this post. But it is something I feel I need to write. So, here goes…

Many Christians in today’s society, when they talk against same sex marriage use the term “Biblical Marriage” as their main defense.

With this they mean, one man and one woman.

But as I read the Bible I find it hard to see that in there.

I see men marrying several women.

I see men treating women as their property.

I see men with wives and concubines and slave girls and also the town prostitute.

Now, I’m not saying that these people were really living by God’s intended rules or that they weren’t sinning.

But, it seems that the idea of marriage in the bible simply meant that you had sex, and that men could have sex with whomever they wanted.

This may have also been just part of the culture that they were surrounded by.

I’m not saying here that I believe we should all except same sex marriage, even though I don’t see why it’s such a big issue to Christians.

I’m really just saying that I don’t see how our main defense against it being ok, is to say that we should have biblical marriages.

Because if I lived by the rules of the bible and tried to have more than one wife, for one my wife would leave me.

Now, if by “Biblical Marriage” you mean that we should live by God’s laws inside of our marriages, that is a whole other thing.

I believe that we should do this.

But I also believe that that God said to love one another, and spouting that you are loving the sinner while hating the sin, while yelling at the people you disprove of, is not what I would really call love.

Rebekah’s choice

I’ve always thought it was kind of strange that Isaac’s wife, Rebekah, would choose to help Jacob trick Isaac into giving him the blessing that should have gone to Esau.

But today as I was reading Genesis 25, I came across something I don’t think I’d noticed before.

When she is still pregnant with the twins, she feels them fighting inside of her, and goes to God to ask what is wrong.

“The Lord said to her, ‘Two nations are in your womb; And two peoples will be separated from your body; And one people shall be stronger than the other; And the older shall serve the younger.” Verse 23

This made me wonder if this was the reason she favored Jacob over Esau and helped him.

Or did God know that she would favor Jacob and so He gave her this self-fulfilling prophecy as such?

Or did God see that He would use them in His own ways that I can’t even begin to comprehend?

I don’t have any answers. Just a thought I had this morning. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Pick up an instrument and join in

I’ve been very slowly making my way through Simply Christian by N.T. Wright for a while now.

It’s been slow going partially because I haven’t kept up with the discipline of reading some everyday and because it’s a pretty thought-provoking book.

But today I reached the end and I think I was inspired as much by the last paragraph as I was the whole rest of the book.

In the afterword to the book Wright gives some things he thinks will help you move further in your Christian journey after you are done with the book. He mentions getting a good bible and also some other books that you might want to consider looking into.

Then he says:

“It would be wrong, though, to give the impression that taking things further after reading this book would consist simply of reading more books. The church, for all its faults, is at its heart the community of those who are trying to follow Jesus, and in whose company those who are starting to explore these things for themselves may find help, encouragement, and wisdom. As we might say to someone starting to enjoy music: don’t just listen to it, find an instrument and an orchestra and join in.”

For a long time I didn’t see the point of having a church. After all at church they tell you that you need to have a personal and intimate relationship with God, so why would I need other people to help me with that.

But I’ve come to realize that the church is just a place where a group of us who are trying to wrap our heads around this thing that we believe, can meet up and join together on our journey.

Me, on my own, can only do so much.

Me, on my own, can get so in my head that I’m not helping anyone but myself.

Me, on my own, will mess things up every time.

But with others by my side and God with us, we can do anything.

With God and a church. we can change the world both near and far.

With God and a church, we will still mess up and fall, but can be there to pick each other up along the way.

What could we really do in our world, if we truly joined together with God and other believers and sought to bring about Godly change in the world around us?

Dreams

I was reading today in Genesis 22 about Abraham sacrificing Isaiah, and I starting thinking of the conversation he would have had with Sarah when they got home.

No matter what he says I’m sure she is having a hard time believing that the God who gave them this child, would now be asking him to kill him.

She would probably treat him like he had actually killed him.

All the while, Abraham is left thinking, “But God told me to. Besides I didn’t do it. He’s alive and sitting right over there.”

While I was thinking of this conversation, I realized that that’s kind of the way it can be when you tell people around you, believers and non-believers, that you feel called to do something.

There is this sense of, “Yeah, sure God is calling you to do this crazy thing.”

It can be really hard for other people to get behind your dream and behind the things that you feel God is calling you to do.

But that shouldn’t stop you from doing them.

It shouldn’t even stop you from explaining it that way to the people around you.

Because if God is calling you to do something, not everyone is going to be behind you.

But God is, and that’s all that matters.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it

Last week in church we sang the hymn Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing, and I wrote down the title in my phone meaning to write a post on it last Monday.

These words jumped out at me while we sang,

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

This is something I’ve talked about before, but it hit me pretty hard while singing.

This is true of me. No matter how many times I’ve come back to God, I still seem to find my way away from Him again.

Little did I know though, that I would experience that very thing over the next week.

I can’t explain what happened.

I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I just entered into some kind of dark tunnel all last week.

I didn’t read my Bible.

I didn’t pray.

I didn’t do much of anything.

Just kind of shut down, and shut people out.

I didn’t want anything to do with even my own family.

Didn’t want to see my wife or my kids.

Didn’t want to leave the house.

Just wanted to curl in a ball and disappear.

The hard thing for me this time, is that I don’t know why.

Most of the time I can point to a situation or event that triggers these episodes.

But this time I really can’t think of anything.

One day I was feeling pretty good and the next I was spiraling downward faster than I have in a while.

All I know is that I woke up Saturday a little before noon and realized that I’d missed half of my son’s birthday and the things that my wife had planned for it.

In fact I woke up to an empty house.

I don’t know why, but this snapped me back to reality.

It’s not like everything went away right away.

I still don’t understand why this happens sometimes.

Maybe I needed a reminder that I can’t do this on my own.

That I’m not a good enough writer on my own to really do anything with.

That I truly need God to help me along the way.

Without Him, I seem to become a blithering idiot really quickly.

He withdrew from there

In Matthew 14, when news reaches Jesus of His cousin John the Baptists death, the first thing He does is very much the first thing I would do. He withdraws from where He was. He hops in a boat and tries to find a place to be alone.

This is exactly the way I am when things get to be too much. I need to be alone to process things. To pray. To collect my thoughts in a quiet and calm place.

But unfortunately for Jesus, in this situation, He is met with all of the people who had heard where He was going.

I think I would have jumped back on the boat and told them to take me somewhere else.

But Jesus had compassion on them.

It’s right after this that two of the most told miracles of Jesus happen. He feeds the 5000 people who have gathered to see Him. Then after finally getting some alone time, He walks on the water to get to the boat with His disciples in it.

I have no idea how Jesus could be that patient and kind. I wish I could be as compassionate and kind when things don’t go the way I have planned. I guess it means I have a long way to go.

A little laughter is good for you

I realized that some of my posts lately have been a little serious.

So, I thought I’d share something that made me laugh during my bible reading today.

The Bible plan I started after Easter had me reading in Ezra today as one of its four tracks.

I’ve found that with the craziness of having a kid run around while I’m trying to read it’s a little hard to concentrate. So I’ve been listening to an audiobook of it while I read it.

Today, while in Ezra 10, it was going through a whole list of names.

I realized that this poor guy had to sit in a room and read off these names one after another.

I couldn’t help but laugh at this image.

The voices in my head

This might be a hard post for me to write and may not even make much sense when I’m done. But I hope that others can get something out of it.

Last week was a really hard week for me. I’m not even really sure why or how it all started. But I can tell you that somewhere in there I started listening to the voices in my head again and, maybe more importantly, believing what they had to say.

For most of my life, I’ve dealt with depression and one of the things that comes along with it for me, is an issue with self-doubt.

I’ve never really believed that I was very good at anything, and no matter how many times other people tell me I am I still find myself falling back into the habits of doubting myself and thinking that I don’t matter.

Most of the time I can handle these voices and put them in their place. I can see that they are just trying to keep me from doing anything with my life.

But last week the voices got really really loud and I had a really hard time blocking them out.

If you asked my wife she could tell you that I probably seemed a little off. I stopped wanting to be around other people and just retracted back into myself.

Looking back on it now, I can see that I was overreacting to everything. Getting mad at the kids for little things. Snapping at my wife for some perceived slight.

These voices told me that nobody really cared what I had to say.

Plus who was I to tell anybody anything about God?

I’m just a sinner. Look at your anger. How can you speak of God’s love with all that anger in you?

I have all of these ideas for things to do. hat I feel are what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. But yet I find myself doing none of them, because this doubt has built up so high inside me that I can’t see over it anymore.

I doubt that God really has any use for me.

I doubt that anyone is even paying attention to me or cares at all.

With all of this going on, I realized on Friday, that I couldn’t remember when the last time I had taken my meds was. So I started taking them again and realized that the voices in my head were just that.

Then I got some words of affirmation this weekend that people were listening and cared about what I was doing.

It was all I could do not to cry.

God heard my doubts and listened and answered them.

He who has ears, let him hear

After Jesus tells the parable of the sower, He says those words.

“He who has ears, let him hear.”

I’ve often thought this a very strange saying.

Wouldn’t most of the people hearing Him speak have ears and in so having ears wouldn’t they have already heard what He said?

But I realized while reading it this time that it doesn’t have anything to do with having real human ears.

It has to do with have spiritual ears and having them open to hear the things that God is trying to say to you.

After Jesus says this, His disciples pull off to the side and ask Him why he speaks in parables and doesn’t just come out and say what He is trying to tell the people.

But Jesus quotes from Isaiah where God is telling Isaiah that the people have closed off their eyes and ears and are no longer able to hear what God is trying to tell them.

I pray that God would open our eyes to see and our ears to hear. That He would help us to understand the things He is trying to tell us and that we might return to Him.

Lord I pray that you would heal us.

Heal us of our unfaithfulness.

Our brokenness.

That You might be glorified in all of the things that we do in your name.

But some were doubtful

After Jesus was resurrected and had spent the 40 days with them, He was preparing to go back to Heaven.

He told the disciples to meet Him on a mountain. The 11 came and met Him there that day.

Matthew 28:17 says,

“When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some were doubtful.”

I love that this is put in there.

They really didn’t need to put it in, and really, some people would probably say that it shouldn’t be there.

Why would these people who have seen all of the miracles that Jesus has performed and lived with Him have doubts?

But I really do love that it’s in there. Because I have doubts.

For a time in my life I thought these doubts meant that I didn’t have enough faith, or that I wasn’t a good Christian.

But I’ve come to see that it is good and natural to doubt things.

It is through my doubts that I have really come to see God in a whole new different and deeper way.

Without my doubts along the way, I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith right now.

Of all the freedoms that God has given me, I think I appreciate the freedom to doubt Him the most.

Not that it should bring us further from Him.

But that through searching for the answers to our doubts, we might find the answers in Him.

Look up

Yesterday in church my pastor was talking about as the women were going towards the tomb they were looking down.

They were grieved over Jesus’ death.

They were scared of what would happen next.

They were worried about how they would roll the huge stone away.

Then they looked up and saw that God had already taken care of it all.

Jesus wasn’t dead.

God had a plan for what came next.

The stone was already rolled away.

We can get so focused on our own problems and pains, that we fail to look up and see that God has already done the hard work for us.

He’s already gone before us and moved the stone away. We just have to look up and see it.

As I was playing in the worship team yesterday after the sermon. Something told me to look up.

I had been so focused on singing the right words and playing the right chords that I was just looking down.

I looked up and right in front of me was my son smiling back up at me.

If I wouldn’t have looked up I would have lost the chance to smile at Max from the stage. He always asks me to smile at him while I’m playing and most of the time I forget. I just get so focused on the music.

Yesterday I looked up and saw the beautiful gifts that God has given me already.

A beautiful family.

A beautiful church.

A beautiful life.

Why would I ever look down again?

Lent day 47

I was trying to explain to Max this morning why we celebrate Easter, and it occurred to me just how crazy the whole story is.

Sometimes I don’t think we really think about how strange our stories are until we try to explain them to a child.

I found a book and read it to Max to try to explain the whole story. He knew parts of it, but hadn’t really put the pieces together yet.

I think that’s the way most of us are. We have heard most of these stories all of our lives and yet don’t really seem to fully grasp them.

For me, I think, that has a lot to do with not spending enough time reading my Bible.

Over the last 47 days I’ve found the act of setting time aside to read the Bible and write a little about what I’ve learned to be an amazing way to actually digest what I’m reading.

I don’t know if I’ll keep up this daily writing thing from here on out, but I’ll try to get on a schedule that I can keep writing more often.

But through my daily reading and thinking on these things I’ve come to a whole new understanding about the story of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.

I’ve come to see that the story of Jesus is still very much alive today, if we open our eyes to see it around us.

Each day before I read, I try to pray a little pray asking God to open my eyes, ears, mind, and heart, so that I may hear and understand what He has to tell me that day.

I think I need to remember that He speaks to us in our daily lives just as easily as our Bible study times.

Lent day 46

Holy Saturday

This is a strange day. If you think about the story of Easter, I think this day would be the hardest day.

You’ve been following this man around for a while now and you really thought He was the Messiah.

But now He’s dead and in the grave.

What do you do now?

Where do you go?

Are the Romans going to hunt you down and kill you too for following this man?

You thought He would save you and the country of Israel would rise again.

But now He’s dead.

How can this be?

We on this side of history, would tell them to just hold on for one more day. Things will change tomorrow and you will understand everything in a whole new way.

That’s easy for us to say.

But how are we when we are waiting on the things that we think God is going to do for us?

How patient are we when we wait for His timing in our lives?

I can tell you that I am horrible at waiting for anything.

I’m not a patient person.

I think, in some ways, that is the point of Holy Saturday. That we might learn to wait for God’s perfect timing.

That we would learn that His timing is not always our timing, but that His timing is perfect.

That even when it is the darkest in our lives, He is there and has never left us.

Lent day 45

As I was reading the story of the Crucifixion today, I realized that part of the reason I felt like I didn’t have anything to say yesterday, was because that’s the only way I know to be when confronted with the truth of what happened that day.

The fact that God sent Jesus to die for my sins leaves me breathless.

How can I stand up in front of the Cross and even think to say something?

All I know to do, is to fall on my face and cry, “Father, please forgive me.”

I know that I am so unworthy of the price He had to pay.

Yet I find that He was more than willing to do it for me.

What can I, a filthy sinner, say that can add to the work that God has already done for us all?

Lent day 44

Today’s been a strange day for me. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve had a really hard time finding the motivation to do my devotions and to write.

This is the 44th day that I’ve been doing this in a row and today I just really didn’t want to do it.

It feels like I’m empty today.

Not that I don’t have ideas. Just having a hard time feeling like it matters at all.

I know that there are people who have read the things I’ve written and enjoyed them.

I just can’t seem to find it in me to care about it today.

I know this isn’t a great post. Just felt like I needed to share this today.

Plus I didn’t have anything else to say.

I’ll keep plugging away at this and hopefully will feel more up to it tomorrow.

Thanks for sticking with me through all of this.

Lent day 43

As I read Matthew 26 today focusing on Peter’s refusal of Jesus, I realized how many times I’ve done that very thing in my own life.

My dad’s a pastor and so I was raised in the church. But I started living dual lives for a while. I would be one thing in church, and then a completely different person at school or with my friends.

It was like I didn’t want them to know that I was a Christian, and for the most part, I really wasn’t.

I went through the motions in church. But mainly because I thought that’s what a good pastors kid did.

I would have still called myself a Christian, but the way I lived my life denied Jesus.

This pattern has followed me throughout my life.

At different times I’ve tried very hard to not let people know that I was a Christian.

I didn’t want them to think I was “that kind of Christian,” so I thought it best that they didn’t know I was one at all.

No matter how you look at it, I was denying Jesus.

The amazing thing that I found through all of this, is that even though Jesus has every right to deny knowing me, He’s always been right there with me.

He’s never left me.

He’s never denied me.

Lent day 42

While reading Matthew 26 of Jesus praying in the garden, I saw how we should be praying when we pray for things.

I’m sure that most people know this, and I know that I’ve heard it before, but it really amazes me who Jesus prays.

He is grieved and overcome with pain about His coming death. He knows that this is what God has called Him to do. But He seems to not really know if He has the strength to go through with it.

I’m not trying to say that Jesus wasn’t strong enough to take what God had for Him. Just that it seems that He really wasn’t sure. I know that when I am upset about things and have come to God in prayer about them, it’s generally in a state of not knowing if I can handle whatever is coming towards me.

But still in His grief, He is very clear-headed while asking if there is any other way that this might happen. He knows what God is asking of Him. Yet He seeks out God to ask if there might possibly be another way. Maybe He doesn’t have to die. I’m sure there where a hundred different questions going through His mind while He prayed these prayers.

Yet He kindly asks if God can find another way. Then He shows us how we should pray.

“Not my will, but thine be done.”

Those are the words that we should pray when we come before God asking for anything.

He knows what is good for us and what we need. It’s not that bad or hard things won’t happen to us.

It’s more that in the midst of those things, we can call out to God and He will be there with us.

It’s still not easy to accept things sometimes. I totally understand that.

I have a hard time accepting the things that go on around me sometimes.

I have a hard time dealing with the effects of my depression and the effects it has on my family.

I have in the past prayed that God would take it from me. But that has yet to happen.

It’s hard to stay focused sometimes when we feel that our prayers aren’t heard.

But I do know that God is there, and He hears all of our prayers.

Lent day 41

I was reading in Pete Wilson’s book Plan B, and he was talking about community and how important it is to believers.

I’ve realized the same thing over the last few years.

I used to think that church was such a burden and the thought of having to go and share my life with other people just wasn’t worth it.

I couldn’t figure out how other people liked going to church so much. It didn’t make sense to me.

I could read the Bible on my own and have a relationship with God on my own. I didn’t need these other people to help me. They all seemed to be so messed up anyway. How could they help me even if they wanted to.

But recently I’ve come to understand that we really do need each other. We really do need to be in community with other believers.

Plus, as far as them all being messed up, I’ve realized that so am I. And that’s really the only real way for us to actually help each other.

If we think that our leaders are perfect then they won’t be able to help us.

If we think that in order to come before God or His church, we have to be perfect, we will never leave our houses.

We must realize that we are all broken people in need of an unbreakable God and the people He sends into our lives.

And the best place to find this, is in a church that understands these things.

Lent day 40

We sang this song in church a few weeks ago, and its quickly become one of my favorite songs.

Lent day 39

It isn’t me, is it, Lord?

They each asked that question as Jesus told them that one of them would betray Him.

Surely it can’t be me.

I would never do such a thing.

I’m your disciple.

Also, knowing what I do about the way our human minds work, they probably looked around the table and debated the traits of the others sitting there.

I could never do this, but you know, I never really trusted that guy.

But I find it interesting that, at least in the account in Matthew, the only one that says it won’t be him is Peter. The rest seem to ask if it’s them.

Which brings up the question, did they all have doubts?

Were they all starting to wonder if they had hitched their wagons to the wrong horse?

In some ways I can totally understand.

They had probably expected Jesus to triumphantly enter Jerusalem with an army of angels to overthrow the Roman Empire and set up God’s Kingdom on earth.

But instead this man who they had put their trust, and more over, their entire lives, in had entered the city riding on a donkey.

To top it off He had started to give these cryptic warnings of His death.

What kind of savior is sent to die?

Maybe He wasn’t the one they thought He was.

In truth I think they all doubted Him at this point. They had seen Him do amazing things. Yet how could this man that was sent to save them talk about having to die?

We take for granted that we know the next chapter in the story. We’ve read the book and know how it ends.

But these guys are in the midst of it and don’t know what happens next.

It’s natural for them to doubt.

It’s also natural for us to doubt and to question things.

In my experience the only way to find your own way in faith is to question and seek answers to those questions.

Some answers we will never get on this side of heaven, as they say.

But we have to keep searching. Because it is also us standing before Jesus saying, “It isn’t me, is it?”

In truth it is us. We have betrayed Him with our actions.

It is I, Lord. Please forgive me.

Lent day 38

I was reading today in Matthew 26 about the women who poured perfume on Jesus’ head and I realized how different Jesus’ response to her is then a lot of the world would have been.

Not only did He let her touch Him and pour the perfume on Him, which, if I remember right, in Jewish culture men and women who were not married wouldn’t have really touched each other, but He also says that her good deed will be told for ages to come where ever His story is told.

It says a lot about the views Christians should have towards women. So many times it seems like women have been marginalized and pushed to the side. Told to be quiet and just follow her man around doing whatever he desires of her.

But if you read the New Testament, you get a vastly different view on women.

In the genealogy of Jesus, you see several times where the women are pointed out and exalted.

Jesus had several women in His inner circle and treated women as equals.

It doesn’t really seem to me that He ever really talks down to them in any way. In fact I would say He tends to lift them up.

After His resurrection, the first person He chose to show Himself to, was a women. He could have chosen anyone anywhere. But He chose Mary Magdalene.

I think this goes with the things Jesus has taught us all along. His mission was not to the well off, or to the already saved people.

His mission was to reach the unreachable.

Tough the untouchable.

Speak the unspeakable.

Challenge the unchallenged.

And this is the mission He called us too also.

Lent day 37

Today I was reading again in Matthew 25 where Jesus is talking about what we’ve done to the least of these we’ve done to Him.

N.T. Wright talked about some of the things that I talked about yesterday, but as usual he said it better and in more complete thoughts.

He pointed out that it’s not that the ones who took care of Jesus, knew that was what they were doing when they did it. They just saw people in need and helped them. They didn’t need to have an item on a list checked off. They just knew that these people needed help and they could help them. So they did.

That’s the way Christians should act.

I was reading an article in Relevant Magazine the other day about the race issues that have been happening and how we should be handling them as Christians. The article was by Christian rap artist Propaganda. I’ve gotten into his music lately and was excited to read this article by him. His dad was a Black Panther and he’s dealt with these issues in his music.

He said in the article, “Christians, of all people, should put their arms around a hurting person. You don’t need to know why they hurt.”

That really stuck with me, because in so many ways today, we, as Christians, are known by our hate. People assume that if we are Christians, then we hate all of these things.

That is so sad. Jesus called us to be known by our love. To love all of those around us. Even to love our enemies and those that hate us.

We should not be spreading hatred.

We should be spreading love.

God loved us when we hated Him. Jesus died for us while we turned our backs on Him.

How can we who know this life changing love, not spread it to all of those around us. No matter what their circumstances.

Lent day 36

“Whatever you have done to the least of these, you have done to me.”

These are some of the most powerful words that I think Jesus spoke.

He not only calls us to care about what happens to those around us, but to go out of our way to take care of those who can’t take care of themselves.

I think it’s natural for us to want to just stay in our nice little bubble and pretend that we don’t have these things going on around us.

But no matter where you live there are strangers around you that you could invite into your life.

There are those who are hungry and thirsty that you could give food and water to.

Naked that you could clothe.

Sick or imprisoned to visit.

I think one of the hardest things for me is that I don’t want to do these things because they will get me into heaven.

I don’t think that God will seriously look at a checklist and see if I have fulfilled each and every requirement He has listed.

If we do these things to check them off our list, then I think we are kind of sinning in a way.

If we help out those around us just to look good. Then, as Jesus said, we have gained our reward from those we were looking to please.

But if we do these things out of the outpouring of God’s love into our lives.

Then God will welcome into heaven with the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

Lent day 35

I was reading today in Plan B by Pete Wilson, and came across something that I’ve thought of and maybe even have written about before on here.

He was talking about when the Israelites were about to cross the Jordan River to take the Promised Land.

God called them to take the first step on faith into the Jordan River. The river was a the flood stage and would have been a fast-moving river. But God calls them to step into it and then He will stop the river and they can cross it.

I think that’s kind of the way I look at this blog.

I’ve felt that writing is what God wants me to do with my life. But for so long have felt kind of adrift and couldn’t figure out what to do with that calling.

Then I found I could just start up my own blog and at least get some practice in on this whole dream thing.

At the same time though, it’s hard because when you think about your dreams, you never really realize that they may not pay the bills. I have yet to find a way to make this whole thing profitable in any way.

Not that money is the most important thing. It’s been a great way to get my thoughts and ideas out there and to have other people read them and to get some feedback.

It’s also hard, because I do feel like this is what God wants me to be doing with my life and yet I can’t seem to figure out what my next step should be.

For now, I guess I’ll just keep writing and praying that God will show me His plan for my life, or at least the next step.

Lent day 34

Just a word of warning at the beginning here. This might get a little long. I’m going to try to keep my thoughts on this concise. But it’s one of if not the most important thing to me, so I might ramble on a bit.

For the last few days something has been gnawing at my mind. Every time I’ve sat down to write I’ve had to push this topic down. I didn’t know what to say. I don’t fully know how to process the information and I can’t seem to figure out what I should write about it.

But this nagging feeling has been telling me that I needed to write about it anyway.

So here goes.

Last week I heard of a ten-year old boy in our town that committed suicide.

I don’t know much else about this boys story and have tried not to look too much into it, because when I’ve tried it’s brought me to tears.

I don’t know for sure if this child was depressed or what, but I do know that I was at that age.

It was around then that these thoughts of ending it all started to creep into my mind and I saw my way out of all of this pain.

At the time I couldn’t see how my being alive would make anyone life better. It sure wasn’t making my life better and I couldn’t see at the time that anyone else would really miss me.

I see now how wrong that is. I know that people loved me then and love me now.

I know that my family would have been devastated.

But knowing all of this now, doesn’t ease the pain the I felt as a child.

I can’t say for sure why I felt the way I did at that age.

Maybe it was something off in my wiring.

Maybe it was something that happened in my life.

More likely it was both.

Now as a parent I can’t even imagine what this family is going through.

I’m devastated at the thought of this child that I don’t know taking his own life, that I can’t even imagine what they are feeling.

My scripture reading for yesterday was Psalm 130.

Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord.
2 Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.
3 If You, [a]Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait,
And [b]in His word do I hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord
More than the watchmen for the morning;
Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning.
7 O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is lovingkindness,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
8 And He will redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.

I think this is a beautiful Psalm. I don’t know that I’ve ever read it before, but it really spoke to me.

I’ve cried to God out of the depths of my depression before.

I’ve begged Him to hear my cries and take away my pain.

I’ve felt the pain before.

I’ve also felt the waiting that is in this Psalm.

N.T. Wright pointed out that the writer doesn’t get an answer here.

His cries are not answered here in words.

But yet if you read the last lines you can tell that there is still hope in his heart.

He knows that God has listened to his pleas and loves him.

I really don’t have any answer today.

I just know that when you are sad or depressed it’s ok to cry out to God.

It’s ok to scream and yell at God.

His love is so big that He can take whatever you can dish out.

And know that there is hope.

No matter who you are and what you’ve done, there is someone out there that loves you.

Lent day 33

I hope you are enjoying these videos as much as I am.

Lent day 32

Today I was reading in Matthew 23, and Jesus was talking about how the scribes and Pharisees preach one thing and do another, so that you should do what they preach, but not what they do.

It reminded me of conversations I’ve had with my kids. Chloe will be doing something and Max will tell her that she shouldn’t be doing it, even though we’ve also told him to stop doing it and he is currently breaking the same rule.

We’ve tried to tell him that he needs to practice what he preaches. But I think that is one of the hardest lessons for us to learn as fallen creatures.

It is so easy to write something on here about how we should be living our lives and praying and worshiping God.

It’s a very different thing to actually follow through and carry out the things that I’m saying myself.

In some ways I know that it is impossible to do most of the things that I say on here on my own.

In fact I am a hopeless case without the grace, mercy, and love that God showers down on me.

Without that I’m just a broken, worn out, and dirty man.

The only hope I have of ever following the commandments that God has given, is with His help.

I’m just glad that He is always there to help me and never runs out of patience.

Lent day 31

Today I was reading in C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity and he was talking about how when we become Christians, it’s not like we will automatically become a perfect human and all our bad habits will fall away. But more that you will be better than you would be without your faith and better than you were before your faith.

That is one of the things I’ve struggled with as I’ve grown up.

When I was a kid I thought that I wasn’t a good Christian because I would sin in some way. I was not able to live a perfect life, so therefore I must not be a true Christian.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that none of us are perfect.

We all sin.

The point of living a Christian life is not that we are perfect all the time. But that we are trying to live out our faith and become better people.

For most of us it will not be an instantaneous change. It’s not that God couldn’t do that. He could change us completely in one moment, and in a way He does.

But real lasting change comes from struggle and working through things.

He does change us instantly though. Before we become Christians we probably could care less about being better people. But He gives us the will to change who we are. That is how we will change. He changes our desires and then helps us change over time.

Lent day 30

Today I reading in Matthew 21 about the land owner who rents out his vineyard to some people and then tries to collect his portion and they kill his son.

I think I’ve always thought this story was just about Israel as a nation rejecting Jesus. But today something else came to my mind.

N.T. Wright said that in scripture the vineyard is always used as a symbol for the people of Israel. Whether it was rotten or flourishing, it represented the people’s relationship with God.

This changed the way I looked at the story.

If the vineyard is Israel, then the people taking care of the vineyard would be the people who God has entrusted to watch over and tend to His people. That would be the priests and the other officials that God had placed in charge of His people.

The people of Israel didn’t reject Jesus until it was His time, and only then, I think, because they were influenced by those that were meant to lead them to God.

The people followed Jesus all over the country side and listened to every word He said. They believed that He was God’s Son.

It was the people who God had left in charge who were threatened by Jesus.

They were the ones that thought if Jesus came to power in the earthly way, they would lose all of their power.

They were in a comfortable spot. They had trust of the people and power given to them by both God and Rome.

If Jesus became king of Israel, they knew that He would not allow them to keep their positions.

They knew that Jesus would kick them out and expose them as the frauds they were.

So they had Him killed.

Luckily God had a different plan.

Lent day 29

Since I finished reading Timothy Keller’s Prayer, I’ve been reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity. One of those books I was supposed to have read in college and have hung onto ever since, but have still never made it through.

In some ways I’m kind of glad I didn’t read it in college. I don’t think I was ready for it then. I really don’t think I would have gotten much out of it. Which is probably why I stopped reading it to begin with. I know I have tried to read it several times since then too, and just haven’t been able to get through it.

But this time has been very different. I’ve found it to be a great book with a lot of good theology that is helping me.

Today, I read a line that really struck me.

“That is why horrible nations have horrible religions: they have been looking at God through a dirty lens.”

People look at the way some Christians act and say that they can’t be worshiping the same God as me because they have a horrible faith or act out their faith in horrible ways. In some ways this might be true. If they are truly missing the basics of faith, they may be worshiping a god more of their own making then the true God.

But I think, as Lewis said, they are more likely just looking at God through a dirty lens, and so therefore cannot truly see Him and the ways He would have them act.

Lent day 28

I’ve really been amazed while reading through Matthew this time, just how many times it seems that the disciples have completely missed what Jesus has been trying to teach them.

In Matthew 20, Jesus teaches about how the first will be last and the last will be first. Then a few verses later it says that two of the disciples had their mom come to Jesus to ask that they be on His right and left when He comes into His Kingdom.

I think they missed the mark on several things here.

They’ve made the very human mistake of thinking that Jesus was there to throw the Romans out and to set up an earthly kingdom. In this kingdom, Jesus would obviously need a first and a second by His side. Why not these two men that have been following Him from the beginning?

But this is not the kingdom that Jesus has come to set up. Would the mother have asked the same question if she knew it would mean that her sons would have to die in order to “drink of the same cup” as Jesus? I don’t think so.

I think she was just thinking of her sons place in this world and how they could advance in the new earthly kingdom of Israel.

They’ve also made the mistake of thinking that the true way to get ahead is to become the most powerful person they can while they still have the chance.

We make this same mistake all the time. We try to acquire fame and fortune thinking it will get us all that we need.

But this isn’t the way that Jesus taught us to gain power or glory.

He taught us to gain power and glory by acknowledging that we are indeed truly powerless and by pointing all glory to the only truly powerful one, Himself.

l don’t know why I would expect any different from the disciples. But I’m truly surprised by how many times they seem to miss Jesus’ teachings.

They had Him there to teach them first hand, and yet they clearly didn’t understand everything He was telling them.

At the end of Matthew  20 there is another story that shows how little they understood what Jesus was there to do. As they are leaving Jericho two blind men call out for Jesus to have mercy on them. The disciples, who have watched Jesus heal numerous people, try to hush them up and push them to the side.

But Jesus calls to them and heals them when they ask for it.

If only His disciples, and all of us today also, would have the knowledge that we too are truly blind and need to be healed so that we can see the world the way Jesus does. Then we could ask and have our eyes opened too.

Lent day 27

Today I was reading in Matthew 19 about the rich young ruler. N.T. Wright was talking about the way Jesus worded His answers to the man, and how He first gave the commandments that He knew the man was following. Then gave him the ones that He knew the man wasn’t following.

It wasn’t so much that the man was rich that made him a sinner.

But more that he had placed his money above God and made it an idol.

That is why he couldn’t enter the kingdom of Heaven.

He wasn’t willing to put his money in its proper place and use it to the things God would have him use it for.

He just wanted to keep it all for himself.

This seems to be a very human reaction, and I can see why the disciples looked at Jesus after this and asked, “If this man can’t get into Heaven, what chance do any of us have?”

The world looks at wealth as the ultimate proving ground for how good and worthy you are.

But God looks at the inside of a person and sees your motives and knows your innermost thoughts.

These are the things that will hold us back from entering into God’s Kingdom.

Lent day 26

I’ve decided to try and share a song on Sundays for now.I hope you enjoy them.

Lent day 25

“Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

We say that line all the time in the Lord’s Prayer.

But do we really stop to think about what it means when put together?

Today’s reading in Matthew 18, reminded me of something I read In Timothy Keller’s Prayer.

He said that the way those are put together in the Lord’s Prayer, means that they are connected.

God forgives us as we forgive others.

If we aren’t willing to start forgiving those that have hurt us, then God can’t really forgive all your sins.

When we hold onto the pain that someone has caused us and refuse to forgive them, we can’t truly ask for forgiveness for all of our sins.

True forgiveness can only come when we let go of the pain and wrongs that have been perpetrated against us.

In Matthew, Jesus tells the story of a man who begged his master to forgive his debt, and the master showed great mercy and forgave his debt.

But then the man went out and found a man who owed him a small fraction of what he had just been forgiven and threw him in debtors prison until he could pay.

When the master found out about this, he threw the first man into the same prison until his full debt was paid off.

Jesus is showing us, that how we judge and hold forgiveness from those around us, is the same way God will treat us.

This is a really hard concept. I have things that I’ve refused to forgive people for. More than likely, those same people who I’ve been holding my forgiveness from, do not even know that they have truly harmed me in any way. Yet I hold onto these things and let them fester inside of me.

This is not good. I need to learn to let go of the anger that I hold inside of me.

I need to forgive those who have trespassed against me. So, that I can release myself to be forgiven by God.

Lent day 24

It’s strange. This is the 24th day I’ve written something on here in a row here. I’ve been kind of dreading the day where, for whatever reason, nothing really came to me while reading.

It hadn’t come yet.

But it’s here now.

The good news is that I’m ok with it.

Do I wish I had something better to write this morning? Of course.

But I don’t.

My mind and body are tired, and maybe that has something to do with it.

All I know is that I have nothing else to write this morning, and that I’m ok with that.

Lent day 23

It amazes me that as I read the Gospels, you can see the disciple’s confusion at almost every turn.

You can tell that they believe that Jesus is the Messiah.

But yet He doesn’t do the things that they think He will.

He keeps leading them into places and situations that they don’t think are where the Messiah would be going.

Then He starts talking about His death.

Think about how strange that must have been.

You’ve been following this man and now He says He’s going to die.

You thought He was going to raise up armies and defeat the evil Roman army.

He was going to rebuild Israel into this great nation.

But now, He’s saying that He has to die in order for God’s plans to be fulfilled.

I can see why so many would have turned their backs on Him.

He said He was the Messiah, but yet didn’t act like the Messiah they were waiting for.

It can be hard to follow God on paths when they are leading places you didn’t think He would lead you on.

May God give us the courage to stay the course and the faith to trust in His plans.

Lent day 22

A couple of days ago I finished reading through Timothy Keller’s Prayer. I have to say that it was a great book. It has broadened my understanding of prayer and the different ways which we can go about praying.

I feel that It has really changed my views on prayer.

One of the biggest things that I think I got out of it, is that my prayers don’t need to be perfect.

That God knows my heart and He knows what I need.

Just like my kids hopefully know that I would give them what they need, so too should I have faith that God will give me that things that I need.

The most important thing, is to keep coming before Him in prayer, and developing and deepening my relationship with Him, to the point that I might long for the things He longs for.

I believe that this is the true reason for prayer. That we might align our hearts to His will.

At times in my life, I’ve really struggled with prayer. One of my biggest problems with prayer has been that if God already knows what’s in my heart, why do I need to take the time to ask Him?

It would seem like a waste of time to set time apart to pray about the things that are weighing on my heart, if God already knows what they are.

Plus, does He really need me to ask Him before He can work in my life or those around me?

But I think I’ve now come to understand that we pray to bring our minds around to the will of God and to deepen this relationship.

We bring the things that concern us to Him and ask for His help in them, not just so that He can now grant our wishes, but so that the things that weigh on our hearts will not weigh on them quite so heavily. That we may lay these things down at His feet and not get sucked down by the worries of life.

I know that my views on prayer will probably keep changing and growing as I get older and as I try to deepen my prayer life in general.

Just thought I’d share where I am on it right now with you.

Lent day 21

Today in my devotions, N.T. Wright was talking about traditions and how they affect us.

He was partially talking about how they can be harmful to us and our faith if they more or less become our faith. Then we are just going through the motions, because this is what we are supposed to do.

But I’ve found in my own life that there is so much beauty in tradition.

The thought that the prayers I’m praying or the hymns I’m singing or the faith I’m practicing, has been handed down to me by the faithful that have gone before me, makes it so much deeper to me.

I do agree that if we rely too much on the traditions they can take over and then we are not really thinking about things the way we should be.

But if you take the time and examine the traditions of your faith you will probably find something beautiful that you didn’t expect to see.