Advent Week 3 - The Promise: Joy

This weeks sermon brought something to mind for me that I might have talked about before, but it’s been awhile, and it fits the point so I think I’ll use it again.

It also may not seem like I’m talking about joy for a little while, but I promise I’ll get there.

While I was in college I was in a pretty dark place.

My struggle with depression was at its worst and I was kind of floundering around with no real purpose in my life.

Looking back I can see clearly that God brought little pieces of light into my life even when I didn’t want to see them.

But during the summer after my freshman year, I was home and really feeling lost.

During this time, God spoke to me and showed me that I had let certain kinds of music way to deep into my heart and was allowing them to determine who I was, more than I was allowing God to shape me.

So, in one long marathon night of confession and repentance I went through all of my CDs and broke every one that God told me to.

During this whole thing, I remember several times feeling like I was throwing up, but nothing was coming up.

I realize this might sound strange, but it felt like demons were coming out of me as I was confessing the hold that things had on me.

It was after this that I truly felt the love of God take a true hold in my heart for probably the first time.

I finally felt the joy that God meant for me to feel.

In the 15 years since this happened I know that God has brought so much more joy than I could have ever thought possible.

There have also been dark times.

But I’ve come to believe that you can only know true joy by knowing true pain.

In the years since then, I’ve listened to some of that same music again.

For a while I was really hesitant to do it.

I tried to stay as far away from it as possible.

But I realized that it wasn’t so much the music that was bad, but more the position I let it have in my heart.

I had put this music as an idol in place of God and it only brought me pain and sadness.

Know I lift God up in my heart and listen to music for some enjoyment, and I know the true joy that God has for all of His creation.