Friday, November 25, 2011

Head Clearing/Blog Purpose

So, I’m here today cause I think I might have actually figured out what I want to do with this blog. I think I’m just going to start talking about my life. Focusing mainly on being a stay-at-home dad. I’m going to try to be as honest as I can about all the struggles and joys of this life. I don’t know why I feel the need to share any of this online. I think I just need a place to write this stuff down. But I might as well let some others in on this journey. Maybe they can help me along the way. God knows I need all the help I can get.
I guess I should get to my first real blog post then…
First off, let me say that I love being a stay-at-home dad. It’s the greatest joy in my life. I’ve had so many amazing times with my son. He is truly the reason I get up most days. And not just because he’s standing there telling me to wake up. It’s been amazing. I truly think I was put here for this reason. And I look forward to getting to spend these next few years with my son and to adding my daughter to the mix.
But that being said, this is also the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Some might say that I haven’t really done that much with my life. But it still remains the hardest thing I can imagine. M is at once the most amazing and most demanding boss I’ve ever had. And I’ve had some bad ones.
Each new stage that we’ve entered has been a new and scary challenge. And the next stage is even scarier. As we look forward to adding C to our lives, I find myself filled with even more anxiety. I wonder sometimes how this guy who doesn’t even always feel like he can take care of himself can now take care of two kids. And two kids that need everything from him. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I look forward to the changes that are to come. But I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared.
I think that’s one reason I’m writing on here. I don’t really feel like I have anyone to really talk to this stuff about. I don’t have anybody in my life that really understands what I’m going through. I know that is partially my fault. I’ve hidden myself away to the point that I don’t really have many, if any real friends. I have people that I talk to once in a long while, and I have family. But I don’t have anyone who sits down with me and really talks about how things are going. So, I guess that’s what this blog is going to be. For now anyway.