I realized tonight, that my work has become my latest excuse for why I’m not doing the things that I want to do with my life.
I always say that I want to do this or that or that I have all these ideas for things to do.
But I have always found an excuse not to.
When I was writing and playing music all the time, I used the fact I didn’t know what I was doing to try to do anything with it, or that I was working too much and didn’t have the time or energy to really do anything with it.
Then I became a stay at home dad. I told myself that I would have time to write and try to record some things on my own. But than I used taking care of my son coupled with the fact that he didn’t like it very much when I would play my guitar or sing, to excuse that fact that I wasn’t doing the things I set out and feel called to do.
Now I have a job again, and I can tell you that I’ve been pretty close to just giving up this whole dreaming thing and just try to figure out the best way to make it through the rest of my life.
But there is still this nagging thing inside of me that says I was meant to be doing something else.
I think it’s why I’ve never felt content or happy in the things I’ve done in my life for very long.
I know that those aren’t the things I supposed to be doing.
A few Sundays ago, I was playing in church that night and was practicing the music for the service. Then I found myself playing my guitar and singing for probably two hours. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a day that I felt so fulfilled and happy. Then worshiping God by helping to lead worship was the perfect end to a great day.
I need to find a way to make myself take the time to do the things that bring me joy, while still doing the things that help bring home the money.
