Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Dear Lord

I was looking through some of my old songs, trying to see if anything in there was worth anything or if they were just the writings of a teenager.

I found this one song, more a prayer, that hit me hard. It is such a prayer of a young man, but I also still feel it today.

So, having forgotten how I would have sang it before, I figured out some chords and put it together. Then I decided to record it before I forgot it again.

I hope you enjoy.

I'll put the lyrics on this page below the video as well as in the video description.




Dear Lord
Geoffrey Shafer
11-1999

Dear Lord, I need your help today
I need to find my way
Through this world

God, please fall on me
God, please let me see
What I’m supposed to be
Lord, please guide me

Dear Lord, thank you for being here
Thank you for loving me
Always

God, please fall on me
God, please let me see
What I’m supposed to be
Lord, please guide me

Dear Lord, I need you here
I need to know you are near
Today

God, please fall on me
God, please let me see
What I’m supposed to be

Lord, please guide me

Monday, March 28, 2016

He Has Never Left Us And Never Will

Yesterday we celebrated Easter. The resurrection of our Savior.

We walked through the story of the two disciples on the road to Emmaus.

In this story we find that Jesus has been with us the whole time.

Even when we thought all hope was lost. He was there with us.

When we thought it was the end of all of our plans. He was there with us.

When everything seems to be going wrong. He was there with us.

He has never left our side.

We may not have always seen Him there. But that has more to do with us not really looking for Him.

It's like playing a game with a child. You pretend not to see them, even though they are right in front of you. But the whole time you pretend to be searching them out.

If you do this with a kid, after a while, they'll be saying, "I'm right here. Can't you see me?"

God is always with us. He will never forsake us.

Looking back at the Crucifixion and burial period, I'm reminded that even in death, Jesus never really left us. They could not see Him, and were frightened. But His spirit was with them the whole time.

If we could all just have our eyes opened to see Jesus moving around in our lives, we would see that He is everywhere.

No matter where we go, He has gone before us.

No matter how many times we deny Him, He will still call us His beloved.

I pray that where ever you are and whatever situation you find yourself in today, that you would feel the closeness of Jesus today. That you might feel His loving arms embrace you and feel His hand in yours.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

For Or Against? I Can't Make Up My Mind

This past Sunday we talked about the things that led to Jesus being crucified.

One of the things that really spoke to me, was about Peter being so willing to stand up and say he would die with Jesus, but then when asked, after His arrest, Peter quickly denied ever knowing Jesus.

That's where I found myself in this story this week.

How many times have I fallen on my knees before God and promised to walk with Him for the rest of my life?

How many times have I stood in front of people and promised to live for Jesus?

Yet every single one of those situations has been quickly followed by me turning my back on God again.

When I was growing up I would do this very literally.

Growing up as a pastor's son, I found myself being pulled in two very different directions.

On Sunday I would proclaim my love for God, and pledge my life to Him.

Monday through Saturday, however, I would try as best as I could to distance myself from God.

I would tell my friends that I was only even going to church because my dad was the pastor. I didn't really even want to be there. I started swearing and listening to music that I thought would prove to my friends that I wasn't a Christian.

All of this has led me into some major problems in my life. I still have a hard time truthfully proclaiming my faith to those around me. This may seem weird since I both write a blog that is mainly about my faith and play in our churches worship team.

But for me it all goes back to denying my connections to God and trying to protect my position with those around me.

I still have really found any answers of how to break away from this double life. Maybe I won't ever break this cycle. I'm trying to grow into my faith and to embrace it fully in my life.

But I know that tomorrow I will be right back to where I always end up. The voice in my head asking me if I'm one of Jesus' followers, and I'll hear my voice denying ever knowing Him.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Searching for the light

"Why would the world need more anger, more outrage?"

I read these words this morning in Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts. Her books talks about finding the gifts that God has already given and is always giving us and naming them.

But this line stuck out to me.

There is so much anger and hate and outrage over little things in our world. What if we could bring more joy into this world instead of more hatred?

Jesus said that the world would know us by our love. Yet it seems to know us only by our hate.

I know that one more person looking for God's gifts and naming them won't change all of that. But I do know that it can change me and the world around me.

For a long time I've seen the world as pretty bleak. I don't watch the news. I try not to follow too much with politics. It's not that I don't pay attention or notice when things are happening. I've just decided that for me it just doesn't make sense to allow the hatred of the world into my mind and heart more than it already is.

Maybe instead of just ignoring the hate in the world, I actively sought out the gifts in my life and tried to focus on those, I could bring a light to my little corner of the world.

I know that my dark corner sure could use some light.

Monday, March 14, 2016

Dropping the stones and walking away

Yesterday, Pastor Jason gave a powerful message about the woman caught in adultery.

I've always looked at this passage through the eyes of the woman. But Jason also challenged us to see ourselves in the Pharisees. This was hard for me at first.

I don't like to think of myself as a judgmental person. Yet I realized last night that I always have a stone in my hand ready to throw at those around me.

During the sermon we were given a stone to hold onto. I found that when I gripped it hard in my hands, that it grew hot. But when I loosened my grip and let is sit in my hand it would cool down.

I realized that the more we hold onto these judgmental stones and we're ready to throw them the hotter they get in our hands and hearts. But if we can learn to let go of those judgmental parts of us, our hands and hearts will cool down.God's laws and should be punished.

I like what Jason said that some commentators say about this story. That when Jesus bent down and wrote in the dirt, He was listing off the sins of the Pharisees.

I can see Him kneeling down beside this woman and He is writing out my hidden sins.

How can I ever condemn another sinner, when I should be there next to them getting stoned too.

I would like to say that the Pharisees dropped their stones and never picked them up again. That they left their judgments there at the feet of Jesus. But I'm sure that they, like us, have picked them back up many times.

But maybe we can all see that as we grip them tight and they start to heat up, that we are no better then the one lying on the ground in front of us.

The only one who can truly throw stones at us never even picked one up.

He simply offered us His hand and picked us up and offered us a chance at a new life.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Finding the words to speak

I've often wondered why it's so easy for me to write things that I could never say out loud in a public place.

I don't mean just the way anonymous people use their anonymity to spew hate on the internet. But more, why is it so easy for me to write things down, yet you ask me to say something in front of a bunch of people and I freeze up.

I stutter and stammer over my words.

I lose my train of thought, so easily that for me to get even a sentence out is frustratingly hard.

I'm not just even talking about talking in front of large crowds either. If it's more than about 4 people, and even then sometimes, I can't say a word.

I say this knowing full well that I will probably have to say something in front of the church this Sunday as I am leading worship again. I'm also not writing this to get out of saying anything. If anything I know that it is one of the main things I need to work on.

Two weeks ago, I lead worship for the first time. I found that during one song I was having trouble keeping up with some of the chord changes on my guitar. I couldn't figure it out, until I realized that my hand was shaking so bad that I couldn't fully get the changes in time.

Keep in mind that, for the most part, I wasn't doing anything that I don't do most Sundays. I was singing my part and playing guitar. I had great people singing and playing with me. I wasn't alone. I was just the one that was the "leader."

I had to ask the people to stand twice. Which meant I had to say two sentences in front of people. That was the only real difference from that Sunday and any other Sunday.

This has been a problem for me for a long time now. It can also show itself in a conversation with just one other person. I'm never really comfortable with talking to people.

Yet here I am able to write out page after page of things that I'm sure some people would want to talk to me about. But I can't seem to do it.

I have to force myself to just say a single word in front of anybody.

I don't really know what to do about this. Maybe taking the steps I'm taking in just saying a few things here and there in church will lead me to be a little more open.

So, if you see me sometime, feel free to talk to me. Just don't be mad if I can't seem to find the words to say.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

I'm Possible

I'm putting a video at the beginning of this post, if you have 25 minutes, I cannot recommend this video enough. Although, you should beware that it might inspire you to do things that you've always wanted to do, but were afraid of. I'll continue my post underneath the video, to tell you what it inspired me to do.



So, for a long time I've had plans of what to do with my life. They have seemed too big, too scary, for me to actually go through with them though.

If you knew me in high school and college, and I let you inside my mind, which I never really did, you would have found these big dreams.

I wanted to be a full time musician.

I wanted to be a full time writer.

Back then I just thought this stuff was going to happen to me.

Someone was going to hear me sing and the rest would be history.

I now know that just doesn't really happen.

Somewhere along the way these last few years I've let most of these dreams go.

They've been replaced with things that I love and would never give up.

I replaced them with a family, and all that being a stay at home dad entails.

But some part of my mind has always kept dreaming. Kept planning big things. Kept showing me things I could do to make these things possible.

But I kept hearing this other voice in my head saying, "You can't do that."

I would dream up a plan to record videos of me singing, both my own songs and covers. "You don't have a good enough camera."

I'll record some music without the video then. "You don't even have a mic that's worth recording with."

I even had a plan to make my way through the Psalms and try to rewrite each one into a song. "No one would ever want to hear that. How could you even think to rewrite the Psalms anyway? Let alone, do you know how long that would take?"

Meanwhile I do nothing to get myself any closer to any of the things I've dreamed up over the years.

I've got a whole box of music that I've written. Haven't touched it in years, let alone added anything to it.

All of this to say that I need to change this.

I need to start something. But I also need to stay with it. So, I don't know what to say here.

If I say I'm going to start some huge project, I'll probably only do it for like a week before I just give up and move on to the next excuse.

But yet something in Jeremy Cowart's video speaks to me and says I should put myself out there and let people who know and care about me so that they can both support me and hold me to my word.

So, here goes...

I'm going to write three blog posts a week on this blog. If you like what I write here and want to support me, you can always share it with your friends and let me know that you enjoy it.

I'm going to record at least two videos a month of me doing songs. I'll try and do one a week, but I don't know anything about what it will take to edit or record them, so I'll start off with a smaller goal and work from there. Part of this will also include me going back through my old songs and seeing if any of them are worth anything.

There.

I've said it.

I've put it out there.

Now all there is left to do is to do it.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Good Grief!

I have to say that grief is a topic I'm not really used to talking about.

I think that has to do with how the church has dealt with it, or, more often, hasn't dealt with it.

I've seen and heard some of the things that people in the church say to those going through grief. I believe that mean well. But most of the time their cliche answers just bring more pain.

One thing that I've loved seeing at Eden Community, is that we've openly dealt with grief. It has been amazing to see how our church gathers around those grieving and grieved with them.

One of the main things that I've found to be different in our church is that we've excepted that grief is an ok thing. It is not something to be ashamed of. It's not something to push down and pretend everything is alright.

It's ok to not be ok.

In the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead, we see profound grief being experienced by Jesus. This is the Jesus who know what He was about to do. He knew that He would talk to Lazarus in a few minutes.

Yet He was so grieved that the Bible can only describe it in the word "Jesus wept."

This isn't just a trickle of tears. It's not the single solitary tear.

Jesus wept.

I feel the need to say this again, it's ok to not be ok.

So, I've been trying to think of how to write a post about grief that isn't too sad but yet also deals with the topic of grief.

I wish by now that I understood that God is in control of things, and I just have to listen.

This year I've been reading Timothy Keller's devotional book that goes through the Psalms, The Songs Of Jesus. Today's devotional went through Psalm 34:17-22. It talks about God being there with us in times of trouble.

I'll close today with the prayer Keller put at the end of today's devotional.

"Lord, it is not exactly right to thank you for my sorrows, for you did not create a world filled with evil, and my grief causes you grief. And yet I do thank you for the many riches I have found in these dark mines: patience, courage, self-understanding, and most of all your love and presence. Amen"

Thursday, March 3, 2016

The Grace Of God

Today during my devotions I was reading in Deuteronomy and I saw something that I don't know that I've ever seen before.

Most of the time we like to think of the God of the Old Testament as a vengeful God. A god who passes judgement and punishes the Israelites for every little thing that they do wrong.

But today I saw that even the God of the Old Testament was a God of grace.

In Deuteronomy 29, God is telling Moses all of the things He will do to them if they don't follow God's law.

But then if you read Deuteronomy 30, you see that, even then, God had a way back for His people.

All they had to do was turn back to Him.

Which also means that no matter what they did or where they went, He would always be there with them.

Think about it this way. If I were to move away from my friends and family and turn my back on them and walk away from everything that I hold dear in my life, there would be some consequences.

My family would probably not be there right when I turned back to them. They wouldn't except me back in with no questions asked. Even if they did let me back into their lives it would take them a while, and some very hard work, for them to ever trust me again.

But that is what the Israelites were doing. That is what we do still today.

We turn our backs on God and His ways and go on our own way.

Yet when we realize that we are lost without God, and turn around, we find that He never even left us.

He is standing there with open arms just waiting for us to run back to Him.

To make things even stranger, the moment we turn around and see Him there, He runs to us.

Like the Prodigal Son's father, He takes off running towards us and wraps us in His arms.

No questions are asked.

No plan of reconciliation is needed.

No trust building exercises.

He is just there to love us and take us back.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Be A Blessing To Others

Over the weekend I found out that my downstairs neighbor can hear me play guitar as I practice everyday.

At first I was kind of embarrassed. One of the thing that I've always tried to do, is to not disturb our neighbors.

But then Jennifer told me that our neighbor loves to sit below me as I pray and use it as a daily worship time.

I've always thought of my daily practice time as a time of worship, but I had never thought that anyone else would be listening and worshiping along with me.

It turns out she isn't really able to get to church as often as she likes and so she's been listening to me practice and worshiping God.

She later told me that she doesn't always know the lyrics or the melody, so she'll just make up her own.

I tell you all this, not to brag or boast, but to show, as God pointed out to me in this situation, you never know when you might be a blessing to someone else and not know it.

I've been playing pretty much daily for a while now, and had no idea that anyone else could hear me.

But God used that time to bless someone other than me.

Now I just have to try and not think of that while I play, or if I do, not let it make me be quieter.

Maybe I should be louder so she can hear me even better.