The Book Of Job

As I’ve struggled with my depression in my life, I’ve always kind of looked to Job as a favorite book in the Bible.

I’m not even really sure why, because I can’t remember if I’ve ever fully read the book of Job.

But I’ve always looked to him and all of the things that he went through as a source of inspiration.

Today I think I figured out why I haven’t been able to actually read the book and like it as much as I always thought I would.

I think I looked to him and thought I would read the book in the midst of my depression and find someone going through worse things and wallowing in his sorrows like I was.

But today I noticed something much different as I read chapter 1, and it may make him someone to look up to even more as I go through rough patches in life.

As all of the things in his life are being stripped away one after another, he rips his clothes and throws himself down in his sorrow.

But even as he does this, he lifts up God, and praises Him.

He doesn’t curse God for taking all of the things that God has given to him.

He praises God and says that all of the things in his life were gifts from God.

I know that throughout the book of Job, he does start to question God about why these things are happening to him.

But in those questions he never curses God.

He believes that God is good and that God is there with him in all of his troubles.

I find this amazing, because I find it hard not to get upset when things take a little longer than I wanted them to, let alone when things go wrong.

Lost in translation

So today I had a post partially written in my head while reading scripture.

Than I started to try and write it down.

It just didn’t make any sense when I was writing it out.

I tried reading the scripture again.

But I couldn’t get it back to where I had it in my head.

I think I’ve spent so much time thinking things through in my head and then forgetting them, that I still find it hard, at times to process these thoughts into words on a screen.

When it starts to become real

I was thinking more about my post yesterday and the reasons that I’ve been kind of inconsistent in my posts lately.

I came to a thought that stopped me.

It’s becoming real.

This thing that I thought was just something to do in my spare time, is becoming real.

Before it was easy to write and even easy to not write, because it was easy to say that it didn’t matter.

But lately this has changed for me.

It’s not that I’ve really that many readers, but the ones I do have seem to enjoy it, and I’m starting to take it more seriously.

It’s not just something to do now.

It’s something I care about. Sometimes I think maybe even a little too much.

I always told myself I wanted to be a writer. But when people would ask me about it, I was quick to say that I don’t really do it much anymore.

While it’s true that my previous means of writing, mainly music, had mostly stopped, I’ve been writing more than ever in a different way.

I enjoy expressing myself in this way here.

I don’t think it’s ever anything I thought I would do. But now that I am, it’s something I can see myself doing.

I enjoy expanding on the things God points out to me in His scripture.

I never thought that I would. The last thing I ever thought I would do was teach people about the Bible.

It’s been strange for me to except where this whole journey has brought me.

But I trust that God is in control and will continue to lead me as I continue to try to follow.

Laziness kills me…

So, I think I’ve come up against the thing that hurts me most in my life.

I’m lazy.

This may not seem like a big deal most of the time.

But when you’re a stay at home dad who is also trying to do something with a blog and hopefully some other projects, laziness is really destructive.

I’d like to blame my lack of consistency on here on something else.

Last week my daughter decided to sleep during the day and stay awake and keep me awake all night. So, I got out of my habit of writing in the mornings because I was exhausted.

But the truth is, I had plenty of time to write while I was up all night.

But that would mean I would have had to say no to the next episode on Netflix, and it’s much easier to hit next then turn it off and move to something else.

I’m trying very hard to get myself into habits and patterns that will help me break this laziness.

But it is proving to be a hard mistress to break.