Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Honesty

Honesty without grace and love is just hateful words and bullying. It builds nothing and tears everything down.

I know starting a blog with a line like that might seem odd. But I couldn't think of a better way to start this.

I've been thinking about that for a while now. It seems that everywhere I look I hear people talk about how honest they are. They try to defend their actions and words by saying they are just being honest and the truth hurts sometimes.

But more often then not, this form of honesty gains nothing.

If I were to walk up to someone on the street and yell at them about all of the things they are doing wrong, it would achieve nothing. More likely it would only bring out hatred on their side and the whole thing would escalate to violence.

There is definitely a place and time for truth and honesty. But it must come from and with love and grace.

If a person I know, respect, and love sat me down and told me they thought I was doing something destructive, I would try my best to listen and to take their words to heart.

There is also a place for disagreements. But discussing things with out love and grace easily becomes an argument and all to often a fight.

While I was thinking about this, I realized that this should also apply to the way we talk to ourselves.

A lot of people would say that I am honest with myself and those around me about my shortcomings. But one of those shortcomings is that I tend to let the hateful voices in my head take the lead. When I point out the things that I'm not good at or not doing right, I do this out of self-hatred not self-love or self-betterment.

It's a little like bragging about how humble you are.

So, let's try to keep love and grace in our truth. Let our words be like honey not poison.

Monday, October 17, 2016

lost

I’ve been having a little bit of a crisis lately. That may sound a little melodramatic. But that’s really the only way I know how to describe it.

I can’t really even figure out what’s going on. I just know that I’m not doing good. I can’t seem to shake whatever funk I’ve been in for the last month or so.

Maybe it’s the same thing that seems to happen to most often around my birthday, which was a month ago.

I don’t want this to sound like I’m just whining. I just needed a place to put some of these thoughts down.

I feel like I’m lost.

Like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing anymore.

Maybe it has a little to do with Chloe now being in preschool three days a week.

Maybe it has to do with having a plan for the free time that I would have those three days a week and then hurting my heel and not really being able to do much of that.

Whatever it is, I know that I’m not doing well right now.

I have blog posts that I’ve been meaning to write and that have been brewing in my head for this whole time.

I have things that I need to get done around the house.

I have these goals that I’ve set in my head and I haven’t followed through on any of them.

I feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper into this hole that is my mind and don’t know if I can get out.