Lent day 39

It isn’t me, is it, Lord?

They each asked that question as Jesus told them that one of them would betray Him.

Surely it can’t be me.

I would never do such a thing.

I’m your disciple.

Also, knowing what I do about the way our human minds work, they probably looked around the table and debated the traits of the others sitting there.

I could never do this, but you know, I never really trusted that guy.

But I find it interesting that, at least in the account in Matthew, the only one that says it won’t be him is Peter. The rest seem to ask if it’s them.

Which brings up the question, did they all have doubts?

Were they all starting to wonder if they had hitched their wagons to the wrong horse?

In some ways I can totally understand.

They had probably expected Jesus to triumphantly enter Jerusalem with an army of angels to overthrow the Roman Empire and set up God’s Kingdom on earth.

But instead this man who they had put their trust, and more over, their entire lives, in had entered the city riding on a donkey.

To top it off He had started to give these cryptic warnings of His death.

What kind of savior is sent to die?

Maybe He wasn’t the one they thought He was.

In truth I think they all doubted Him at this point. They had seen Him do amazing things. Yet how could this man that was sent to save them talk about having to die?

We take for granted that we know the next chapter in the story. We’ve read the book and know how it ends.

But these guys are in the midst of it and don’t know what happens next.

It’s natural for them to doubt.

It’s also natural for us to doubt and to question things.

In my experience the only way to find your own way in faith is to question and seek answers to those questions.

Some answers we will never get on this side of heaven, as they say.

But we have to keep searching. Because it is also us standing before Jesus saying, “It isn’t me, is it?”

In truth it is us. We have betrayed Him with our actions.

It is I, Lord. Please forgive me.