Lent day 16

I had a realization yesterday as I was taking my anti-depressant pill.

This pill that I need to take every day is truly a lot like prayer and Bible study.

It may not seem obvious to anyone who doesn’t have to take a pill like this, but they really do the dame thing in some ways.

If I don’t take my pill for a while, and I have found that I do this often, my brain gets messed up. My thinking gets scrambled and things start to change. My behaviors change. My thought patterns change. The things I should be doing, just don’t seem to matter anymore. I have a hard time feeling the love of my family and those around me.

But when I do remember to take my pill, I find that my brain works better. I can see things clearly. Maybe most importantly, I can feel the love of my family and friends.

I think I’ve talked before, about when I was off of my meds for several years. At first I thought I was doing pretty good. Things seemed pretty normal. But then, it was like part of me was watching from outside myself and I could tell that I wasn’t living the way I should be living. Then when I got back onto my medication, it was like I was waking up from a long dream. I was in a place that I didn’t fully understand or know. But I knew that I was awake now and surrounded by people who cared for me.

I’ve found that over the last 16 days, as I’ve focused some of the first hours of my day to Bible study and prayer, that it has some of the same affects.

When I’ve spent long periods of time not praying, it feels like God is distant from me and may not even care about me.

At those times it seems that God wouldn’t even care if I prayed. So why bother?

My brain starts to think of things in a very bad way, and I start to give into the habits that I know are harmful to me and those around me.

But as I’ve made this a habit in my life, I’ve found that my mind is working in a much better way. I think I’ve been able to show my love to those around me in a much better way. I’ve noticed that, most of the time, I’m more patient.

I’m not saying that I’m perfect. Only that the love and time I’ve been spending with God is starting to spread into the other parts of my life.

I can only pray that God would continue to draw near to me and teach me how to live my life in the way He would have me live it.