Swimming In The Deep End

So, last week I talked about my weight issues. I’m thinking about making this a regular weekly topic on here. I’m not sure how everyone else feels about that, but I know that I need a place to talk about some of these things, and so, for now, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m planning on making this either a Monday night or Tuesday morning topic. I’m a little late on this weeks, but here goes.

Today I went to the Y to swim laps for the first time. I have never been this sore. At least not since the last time I tried out for basketball. I remember coming home and not being able to move for a while after those practices. But it’s been awhile since I’ve felt like this. Which I guess is a good thing.

I honestly don’t know what I was expecting. It’s been a long time since I’ve really swam very much. A few weeks ago, Jennifer, Max, and I went swimming in a hotel pool, and I thought I did pretty good. But I was exhausted after my first lap today. I’ve never felt that helpless. Especially in water.

I used to be in the water all the time. When I was a kid, I think I swam almost everyday. Or at least as much as my parents would let me. I loved the water. But somewhere along the line I got embarrassed about how fat I was, and couldn’t bring myself to go anymore. So, I got out of the habit. I’ve always wanted to get back in there and swim. But having to take my shirt off in public always held me back from it.

I’m not really sure what changed recently, but I think I’m over that now. I’m not really comfortable with it. But I think I’ve realized that having my shirt on is fooling nobody into thinking I’m hiding a six-pack under there. I think seeing recent pictures of myself has finally let me see myself through others eyes and made me realize that I’m not fooling anyone. I’m fat. Everyone who meets me know it. So, what’s the difference if I have my shirt off or not? Plus, I realized that, if I don’t try some other workouts, I’m going to get tired really quickly of just walking on a treadmill. So why not go for it?

The good news is the lifeguard that was there today was really nice and gave me some advice on how to swim again. I guess I must have looked pretty helpless out there. But, it was still nice to get some advice. Plus she brought me a kick board so that it would be a little easier for me. But it was nice to have the support and help there.

So, now I just have to figure out when I’m going in next. Not sure when that will be. I was supposed to go to the Y again tomorrow, but I’m not sure my body will be up for getting out of bed. Let alone working out.