The walls are closing in...

From my one comment on yesterday’s post, thank you Linda, plus looking at the posts that have been read the most, I think I’ll try to stick to some what personal stories about things in my life and what they make me think. Anyway…

On Sunday I had one of the strangest and strongest episodes of social anxiety that I can remember. I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m an introvert that draws energy from being alone and away from other people. It’s not that I don’t like being with other people. It’s just that it gets really tiring to have to be with people for a long period of time.

So, we are staying with Jennifer’s family and on Sunday we went to church with them. Then we went to lunch and on the way to lunch, there were some issues with my father in law’s car. So at lunch we let the kids go in the other car with Jennifer and her mom and Steve and I went the slow way to where Jennifer’s grandma lives, where we were meeting for a birthday celebration. We ended up getting there without any further car problems and so we had a couple of hours to spare. So, we headed to the nearby Barnes & Noble and spent the time there.

Then we went over for the celebration. By the time we were getting done with that it was 6 or so and we were hanging out in Jennifer’s grandmas fairly small room with 8 of us packed in there. I found myself almost not being able to breathe. It probably didn’t help that the room was hot and stuffy but I could tell that I needed to be away from people pretty quickly. The best way that I can explain the feeling, is that it felt like the walls were closing in on me. It was almost like I couldn’t breath anymore. So, I excused myself to go outside and get some air.

I’m not sure where this all comes from. I know that for the last few years it seems to be getting worse. Something about staying home seems to have intensified it. But I know that I need a little time each day to be by myself and work through my thoughts and feelings. Which is actually one of the reasons for this blog. It’s a place for me to put my thoughts. A place for me to think through things. And if other people want to read them, than great. I don’t really have any advice on how to deal with situations like this. I know for myself I usually try to get outside as quickly as possible. I try to go for a walk or something. Being outside and alone seems to refresh my spirit.

I want to make sure that I say it’s not that I don’t like people. Or didn’t like the people I was with on Sunday. It’s never that. I love people and I love Jennifer’s family. But it’s more that I can’t process things as fast as other people. Especially when I’m in a group of people. The larger the group the harder it is for me to cope.

I’m sure you’ll hear more about this. It’s one of the biggest struggles in my life right now. But I’ll leave it for now. Thanks for reading.