But some were doubtful

After Jesus was resurrected and had spent the 40 days with them, He was preparing to go back to Heaven.

He told the disciples to meet Him on a mountain. The 11 came and met Him there that day.

Matthew 28:17 says,

“When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some were doubtful.”

I love that this is put in there.

They really didn’t need to put it in, and really, some people would probably say that it shouldn’t be there.

Why would these people who have seen all of the miracles that Jesus has performed and lived with Him have doubts?

But I really do love that it’s in there. Because I have doubts.

For a time in my life I thought these doubts meant that I didn’t have enough faith, or that I wasn’t a good Christian.

But I’ve come to see that it is good and natural to doubt things.

It is through my doubts that I have really come to see God in a whole new different and deeper way.

Without my doubts along the way, I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith right now.

Of all the freedoms that God has given me, I think I appreciate the freedom to doubt Him the most.

Not that it should bring us further from Him.

But that through searching for the answers to our doubts, we might find the answers in Him.

Look up

Yesterday in church my pastor was talking about as the women were going towards the tomb they were looking down.

They were grieved over Jesus’ death.

They were scared of what would happen next.

They were worried about how they would roll the huge stone away.

Then they looked up and saw that God had already taken care of it all.

Jesus wasn’t dead.

God had a plan for what came next.

The stone was already rolled away.

We can get so focused on our own problems and pains, that we fail to look up and see that God has already done the hard work for us.

He’s already gone before us and moved the stone away. We just have to look up and see it.

As I was playing in the worship team yesterday after the sermon. Something told me to look up.

I had been so focused on singing the right words and playing the right chords that I was just looking down.

I looked up and right in front of me was my son smiling back up at me.

If I wouldn’t have looked up I would have lost the chance to smile at Max from the stage. He always asks me to smile at him while I’m playing and most of the time I forget. I just get so focused on the music.

Yesterday I looked up and saw the beautiful gifts that God has given me already.

A beautiful family.

A beautiful church.

A beautiful life.

Why would I ever look down again?

Lent day 47

I was trying to explain to Max this morning why we celebrate Easter, and it occurred to me just how crazy the whole story is.

Sometimes I don’t think we really think about how strange our stories are until we try to explain them to a child.

I found a book and read it to Max to try to explain the whole story. He knew parts of it, but hadn’t really put the pieces together yet.

I think that’s the way most of us are. We have heard most of these stories all of our lives and yet don’t really seem to fully grasp them.

For me, I think, that has a lot to do with not spending enough time reading my Bible.

Over the last 47 days I’ve found the act of setting time aside to read the Bible and write a little about what I’ve learned to be an amazing way to actually digest what I’m reading.

I don’t know if I’ll keep up this daily writing thing from here on out, but I’ll try to get on a schedule that I can keep writing more often.

But through my daily reading and thinking on these things I’ve come to a whole new understanding about the story of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection.

I’ve come to see that the story of Jesus is still very much alive today, if we open our eyes to see it around us.

Each day before I read, I try to pray a little pray asking God to open my eyes, ears, mind, and heart, so that I may hear and understand what He has to tell me that day.

I think I need to remember that He speaks to us in our daily lives just as easily as our Bible study times.

Lent day 46

Holy Saturday

This is a strange day. If you think about the story of Easter, I think this day would be the hardest day.

You’ve been following this man around for a while now and you really thought He was the Messiah.

But now He’s dead and in the grave.

What do you do now?

Where do you go?

Are the Romans going to hunt you down and kill you too for following this man?

You thought He would save you and the country of Israel would rise again.

But now He’s dead.

How can this be?

We on this side of history, would tell them to just hold on for one more day. Things will change tomorrow and you will understand everything in a whole new way.

That’s easy for us to say.

But how are we when we are waiting on the things that we think God is going to do for us?

How patient are we when we wait for His timing in our lives?

I can tell you that I am horrible at waiting for anything.

I’m not a patient person.

I think, in some ways, that is the point of Holy Saturday. That we might learn to wait for God’s perfect timing.

That we would learn that His timing is not always our timing, but that His timing is perfect.

That even when it is the darkest in our lives, He is there and has never left us.

Lent day 45

As I was reading the story of the Crucifixion today, I realized that part of the reason I felt like I didn’t have anything to say yesterday, was because that’s the only way I know to be when confronted with the truth of what happened that day.

The fact that God sent Jesus to die for my sins leaves me breathless.

How can I stand up in front of the Cross and even think to say something?

All I know to do, is to fall on my face and cry, “Father, please forgive me.”

I know that I am so unworthy of the price He had to pay.

Yet I find that He was more than willing to do it for me.

What can I, a filthy sinner, say that can add to the work that God has already done for us all?

Lent day 44

Today’s been a strange day for me. I’m not sure what it is, but I’ve had a really hard time finding the motivation to do my devotions and to write.

This is the 44th day that I’ve been doing this in a row and today I just really didn’t want to do it.

It feels like I’m empty today.

Not that I don’t have ideas. Just having a hard time feeling like it matters at all.

I know that there are people who have read the things I’ve written and enjoyed them.

I just can’t seem to find it in me to care about it today.

I know this isn’t a great post. Just felt like I needed to share this today.

Plus I didn’t have anything else to say.

I’ll keep plugging away at this and hopefully will feel more up to it tomorrow.

Thanks for sticking with me through all of this.

Lent day 43

As I read Matthew 26 today focusing on Peter’s refusal of Jesus, I realized how many times I’ve done that very thing in my own life.

My dad’s a pastor and so I was raised in the church. But I started living dual lives for a while. I would be one thing in church, and then a completely different person at school or with my friends.

It was like I didn’t want them to know that I was a Christian, and for the most part, I really wasn’t.

I went through the motions in church. But mainly because I thought that’s what a good pastors kid did.

I would have still called myself a Christian, but the way I lived my life denied Jesus.

This pattern has followed me throughout my life.

At different times I’ve tried very hard to not let people know that I was a Christian.

I didn’t want them to think I was “that kind of Christian,” so I thought it best that they didn’t know I was one at all.

No matter how you look at it, I was denying Jesus.

The amazing thing that I found through all of this, is that even though Jesus has every right to deny knowing me, He’s always been right there with me.

He’s never left me.

He’s never denied me.