So, I’ve been trying this blogging thing on and off for most of the past five years. I keep telling myself that I’ll take it more seriously this time. That I’ll make sure to take the time to write more often. That I’ll write at least a little something each day, even if I don’t post everything. But I’ve never been able to keep it up for very long. Then after a little while, I’ll realize that I haven’t written anything in a long time and that I probably should do that.
I don’t really know why I feel such a strong desire to write. I guess in some ways, I always have. I can remember writing things as a teen. I’m sure none of them were really any good. But I can remember having this strong desire to be writing something.
No matter what else I thought I would do in my life for work, I always wanted to be writing something for fun. That was almost always a major part of my plans for the future. Whether I was going to be an architect, or an NBA player (yeah, I know, like a 6 foot white guy would ever have a chance), or whatever other thing I was dreaming about at the time. Writing was always there.
A lot of the writing was focused on songwriting. But even when I wanted to be a full-time musician, I always wanted to write fiction or books of some kind.
Then I went to college and tried to become a civil engineer. Luckily I got weeded out by the freshmen weeding out class. Sad thing is that was one of only two classes I passed that first semester.
What was I doing that took all my time and attention away from school?
You may have guessed it already.
Soon after starting classes I realized I was not cut out to be an engineer. And lucky for me I had just gotten a guitar for my 18th birthday. So, much to my roommates frustration I’m sure, I spent almost every waking hour hunched over my guitar playing and writing music.
Then I dropped out and took a semester off, before going on to MidAmerica and studying music. I figured if I was going to be spending all my time on it anyway, I might as well get something out of it.
Then I felt a desire to write more creatively. So, I looked into getting an English degree. But, sadly, MidAmerica didn’t really have anything like that. So, I ended up do more a journalism type writing thing. Which I quickly learned was not what I was looking for.
It was around then that I kind of had a mental break. I think now part of it had to do with the fact that I was in school to get these degrees, and I couldn’t figure out how they were going to help me do the only thing I really wanted and felt I should be doing. Writing and singing.
Of course, now that I’m 33 and pretty much unemployable because I don’t have a degree, I really wish I had just stuck it out and gotten a degree in something.
Five years ago, when Max was born, and we decided that I would stay home and take care of him, I figured that I would have all this time to write and try to record some music. But, as most people who takes care of kids can tell you, there never seems to be enough time in the day for things that need to get done. Let alone the dreams you want to get done.
So, for the most part, I’ve let this whole blogging and music thing really go. I never really meant to. But I have.
Now I’m really feeling the need to bring a little money into the family, and really wishing that I had taken the time to really develop this whole music and writing thing as some kind of career.
Recently I’ve been getting back into playing music through being able to play in my church. It’s been great. But it’s been awaking this thing inside of me that believes that this is what I should be doing for a living. Unfortunately, no one is really paying random people to give their random opinion on random topics at random intervals. So, I have no idea how to make this whole thing work. But I think I’m going to give this another try.
If you happen to know of anyone who wants to pay me for doing the things that I’ve always wanted to do, let me know. I’d be happy to take some money from a rich investor that wants to give me some to do this.
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